He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
