So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
