If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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