I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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