i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
