she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
