Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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