My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
