she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
