Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize