why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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