idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
