I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
