I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
