Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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