Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sarcasm needs its own font
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
