dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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