look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
