I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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