I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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