I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
