going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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