I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
