it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
