watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
