Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
