i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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