Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

tonight, alcohol would be proud of us

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(252): View more from North Carolina

This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.

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(509): View more from Washington

I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

(609): View more from New Jersey

That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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(210): View more from Texas

Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.

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(813): View more from Florida

IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.

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