My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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