so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
