I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
