im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
