True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
