I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
