So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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