I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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