don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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