It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
