you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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