i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
