Define "chronic" masturbator.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think i have two assholes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
