people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need to stop coming to work sober
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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