fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
