there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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