At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She needs sedatives and a leash
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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