brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
