I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
