Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
