guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
