This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
