Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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