i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
