if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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