Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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