Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
