you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
