she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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