overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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