Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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