I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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