If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
