No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
