I puked a lego.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
