At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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