So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
