oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
