mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
did i just pee glitter
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
