i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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