Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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