So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
