Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
