i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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